Birthday promise to myself...

Thanks to everyone for the warm birthday wishes, I really appreciated reading your messages. If this is 52, I will fucking take it! I'm thankful that I've never mourned getting older, I've always felt young at heart, never like I was losing anything as time passed.

But December has become a hard month for me: my birth date, Christmas that mom loved so much, and New Year's Eve when she passed away. In some ways I think we're lucky she wasn't with us longer, her quality of life would have kept getting worse, so it's not something I wish or long for. PSP sucks. My memories are warm though, which means there was much love, but I do find myself feeling vulnerable this time of year, I take it as an opportunity to pause and be within myself in quiet reflection.

The last few years I've been working really hard on myself, and while there's still more to be done, it shows. Training for my first solo marathon swim in 2022/2023 created an opportunity to explore far more than just swimming, I entered the water that day a different person: self-assured and confident, able to express my needs and limits, showing up for myself and honouring my self-worth. Be kind, but take no shit.

I spent 2024 deepening that work, and here's some practical stuff I'm passing along as a birthday wish to you...

Say "yes" to the test(s): as we get older, shit starts to fall apart, so take every diagnostic test you're offered, you never know what you'll find. I spent my birthday sipping on barium and rolling around on an exam table for imaging all because I said yes to an endoscope that found a hernia in my stomach. I'm a big chicken, I hate being prodded and I once bit a dentist's thumb when he tried to stick a cotton roll in my mouth...but if I can get past that shit, so can you. It's scary, but take the tests, take care of your body...

Say "I love you" more: work at being better at telling people you care about them. We assume people know, but they need to hear it. Words you turn over in your head don't have much meaning if they aren't spoken out loud. So yeah, it's been mushy...

Say "no" as you need to: a peaceful life is everything, even if that gets uncomfortable at times for yourself and people around you. Those that respect and honour your presence, your heart and your journey will understand. No compromises.

The picture? Seemed perfect for this post. I took that last week, and meant to send it to friends who were here a couple months ago for some chilly swimming. Our little path down to the water has been completely washed away in a wicked storm, it's a steep drop now - actually the waves eroded the shoreline so much, it's concave under my feet, and the edge will soon give away. I'll shift to the left and carve out a new path down to the sea. Can't fucking wait for 2025

Much love your way...